That's intense
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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