PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
