i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
