You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Still dying that you shit outside
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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