he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
