I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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