um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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