Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
