The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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