No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
