It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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