lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
