Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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