Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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