there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
