did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
