there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
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