This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
