My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have feelings that need drinking.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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