She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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