Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
