I cockslap morals
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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