Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
