I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
