What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
