Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize