So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
