Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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