turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
