You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
