i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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