Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You can't just leave with hair like that
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
