Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
