He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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