and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
