If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
