I accidentally burped into my bong.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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