4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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