i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
