Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
