ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
