I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
only you would photoshop your dick
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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