We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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