i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
