He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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