thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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