make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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