OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
