Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
