What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
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at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
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After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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