dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
