I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
