I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
