Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
