im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
