She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
