Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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