I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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