This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
