I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just found puke in my bra..
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
