He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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