I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
