Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize
