i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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