Ambien. No doubt about it.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
