since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i am craving dick and cupcakes
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
