just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm always down for nudity.
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