Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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