she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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