need another drink. this is the easiest way
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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