Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
