Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
