coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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