Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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