how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
