at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
